#5 Sample Papers

Foreign Athletic Limits- B- I gave this paper a B because to me it does demonstrate the 6 skills. Although it does have a few grammatical errors. Overall it stays on point and it does declare its thesis to be correct. I do not agree at all, but my opinion doesnt matter... Im just grading.


Online College vs. Online High School- C- This paper received this grade because to me, it lacked on the organization of content and grammer. It seem to go back and forth between topics to me. Thesis wise... it stayed on subject.


Predisposed to Divorce- A- If any paper out of the group received an A, it would be this one because it displays the 6 skills well. Very few grammatical errors. It had nice diction and stayed on topic with decent points to support the thesis.


NAACP CASE AGAINST GUN MANUFACTURERS- C-/D+ - This paper was a little harder to grade because, oddly enough it kinda stayed on topic but wandered a little. I guess I can say that it lacks on the organization of content skill. I didnt see many grammatical errors though. I also could not identify a thesis statement.

#4 Paragraph

In the article, Hagelin uses the statement of a teen who committed three murders and a grand theft auto. In fact the teen, Devin Moore, states that “Life is like a video game. Everyone has to die sometime.” Hagelin states that Devin was a “huge fan of the notorious video game called Grand Theft Auto.” She goes on to say that Devin murdered two policeman and a dispatcher just in the style of the video game. Hagelin also states that the video game teaches teens how to kill and that it’s an murder simulator. She states that it was a copycat crime because the victims were shot in the head exactly like the video game. The points she use to demean video games vary from the use of chainsaws, to getting points for killing cops, to setting victims on fire, to decapitation. Yes… all these actions are violent, but my point is, does this make everyone want to do it? Is this the reason most crimes are committed?

#3 Video game violence

I chose video game violence and our sons because i can relate to what the author is saying... no not to actually doin the violence but gettin deep into the gta III game. i have common enough sense not to follow a simple video game up but there are many who may not. the game does make the mind wonder but as i have said in my earlier essays, it is all up to the person. this article basically says that a youth played the game and did exactly, and i mean exactly what the video game system had allowed him to do. and stated that that influenced him. i feel as if one person can pave the way for all youth in a situation like that. it is only one person. its all about self control. the other article is based only mostly assumptions. as i stated earlier, one person cant prove anything for everyone.